This Can't Be Goodbye
by Clairisant2000
Summary: This is an alternate ending to Hail and Farewell, the way I would like to have seen the story of AJ and Mac resolved! It is also the story that won best in category for Missing Scene the 2005 Chaz Awards.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: This Can't Be Good-bye

AUTHOR: Clairisant

CLASSIFICATION: AJ/Mac

RATING: PG

FEEDBACK: Would love to hear both good and bad feedback but please try to be kind and constructive. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is an alternate ending to Hail and Farewell, the way I would like to have seen the story of AJ and Mac resolved! It is also the story that won best in category for Missing Scene the 2005 Chaz Awards.

CREDITS: A special thanks to my beta readers, Qupeydoll and Julie.

Chapter 1

He had watched for her arrival all evening and it was hard to hide the hurt he felt at her absence. Every time a door opened or someone came in from the restrooms his head would turn and his eyes would brighten with hope, only to be darkened seconds later when he realized it was not her. Finally dinner was over, speeches made, and awards given out, and still she had not come. When the band began to play and the people he considered both friends and family took to the dance floor, he stood silently alone watching. It was his retirement party and she hadn't come.

He was about to pick up his cover and quietly leave without saying good-bye to anyone or causing a stir, when out of the corner of his eye he spotted her. Turning from the table full of covers, he saw that she was talking to Harm. It figured! But, as if drawn by some unseen force, her eyes left Harm's and met his across the room. She gave Harm what appeared to be a strained smile and excused herself.

She started across the room towards him. He had plenty of time to leave if he had wanted, she was moving very slowly. She wasn't moving with her usual style, grace, or confidence. It was then he realized that she was moving carefully, as if she were trying not to hurt herself. Something was definitely wrong! This was not the kick ass Marine he had come to know…and, hell yes, to love…over the years. She was hurting and he intended to get to the bottom of this!

She walked right up to him without hesitation and said, "You weren't going to leave without dancing with me first, were you?"

For just a moment he stood there stunned, this was so unexpected. Here she was looking like she was in pain and now she was asking him to dance? When he found his voice, he replied, "Actually, I was going to slip out unnoticed so there was not a big to do about me leaving."

"Please dance with me before you go…" she requested almost in a whisper, holding out her hand to him.

The pull in her eyes was something that he couldn't resist, his hand was in hers and he was leading her onto the dance floor before he even realized that he had taken that first step. The music swirled around them, but neither could have told you what song was playing. They had eyes for no one or nothing but each other.

Almost involuntarily he spoke what was in his heart, "You came…I had thought you weren't…when you weren't at dinner…"

"Yes, I'm sorry I was late, but I had a medical procedure this afternoon and it took me longer to get ready than I thought it would."

"I thought that you looked like you were in pain! Should you even be here?"

"Probably not, I doubt that my doctor would consider this 'taking it easy'," she replied with a rueful grin.

"Then why did you come?"

"Because I couldn't let you go without saying good-bye!"

"Good-bye? You make it sound like you'll never see me again. I'm only going to be touring the ballparks for six months. I'll be back and I'll stay in touch," he told her.

"People always say that, but it never happens. Or you do for a while and then it tapers off to nothing," she sighed.

"I wouldn't let that happen."

"People say that too."

"Sarah, if you want me to stay in contact with you, nothing would keep me from doing that!" as he promised her that he saw her wince in pain again added, "You need to get home!"

"Yes, I guess I should, I'll just call a cab."

"You will not. I'll take you, is your car here?"

"No, I came in a cab, the doctor said no driving for a few days."

"Then lets go," he said sweeping her towards the door and when they got there, he scooped up his cover and just kept right on going outside to his Escalade.

She stood there staring at the passenger door, knowing that she would never be able to climb into the vehicle that was so high off the ground in her current state of pain. How could she tell him that she was that delicate? He saw her hesitate and realized what was going on, guiding her out of the way he opened the door and then swept her up in his arms and gently placed her into the passenger seat, he even reached around her and secured her seat belt before giving her a small smile and closing her door to walk around to the driver's side.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When they arrived at her apartment; he got out and came around to her side just as she had gotten the door open. Once again he took her in his arms and started carrying her into her building. "You don't need to carry me!" she gasped.

"Yes I do, and you feel good in…" he trailed off when he realized what he was about to say to her.

"What?" she wanted to believe what she thought he meant by that half sentence, but knew that she just couldn't be that lucky.

"Ummm nothing," was all he would say.

Once they had negotiated her door without him putting her down, he stood in her living room wondering which way her bedroom was so he could get her right into bed.

She said, "You can put me down here, I'll be fine."

"I was going to put you to bed, Sarah. You said your doctor wanted you to take it easy."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I need to be in bed," she told him and he put her on her feet. Shyly she looked away from him and asked, "Would you like some coffee?"

"You don't want me to leave so you can rest?"

"No, I'd like you to stay, if you'd like to."

"I'd like that, but why don't you sit and rest and let me make the coffee?" he suggested with a smile.

Knowing that she should rest, she nodded, and told him where to find things. Minutes later he came back with two large mugs and sat next to her on the sofa. "Do you mind if I ask what medical procedure you had done today, Sarah?"

"No, I don't mind. You know the back pain that I have been having?" she asked and when he nodded, she continued, "Well they discovered that I had a tubal pregnancy. Today they very carefully removed the embryo from my fallopian tube and placed it in my uterus. They say that we should know in a week if the procedure worked and it attached to the uterine wall. If that happens then it means that I'll keep the baby."

"My god Sarah! You risked your baby to come to this dinner tonight?" AJ got to his feet and began pacing the living room. "Why would you do that?"

"I told you that I couldn't let you go without saying good-bye!" she exclaimed, not looking at him, but at her hands.

"Sarah! Nothing is as important as your child and your health!" he went down on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his.

She lifted her eyes to his and she whispered, "Yes…you are."

"What?"

"As much as I have always wanted a child, you're more important," she paused and gulped, "And I wish that the baby was yours instead of Clay's"

"Why? Why would you wish a thing like that?" he asked stunned.

"Because I have been in love with you for nine years and now that you're retired I can finally tell you how I feel, but there is no way you could want me…with my past and now pregnant with another man's child."

"If you only knew! I can't believe that I'm hearing this. How can you say that you've loved me all these years? There have been…other men…and as you say, you are even now having Webb's baby."

"Everyone of them had qualities that you possess, and since I couldn't be with you, I was looking for you in others. That way I felt that at least I had a part of you, if I couldn't have you," she answered honestly. "Dalton was honest and ambitious, Mic had a wonderful sense of humor, Harm I could see as a much younger you, and Clay was kind and gentle."

"That's how you see me?" AJ asked astounded.

"Yes, all that and more. But that still doesn't dismiss my past and that you don't want me. I'm sorry that I've embarrassed you by telling you this."

"Sarah, your past makes you who you are and without the things you've been through, you wouldn't be the strong capable person I've come to love. As to wanting you…I have for years and you telling me that you have feelings for me in no way embarrassed me. Stunned and shocked me, yes, but embarrassed me, no."

"You wanted me in the past?"

"Past, present, and future," he insisted.

"Future?" she questioned softly.

"Yes, I've loved you for a long time and have dreamed of a future for us together, but that's all it ever was, a wild and wonderful dream."

"Wild?"

"And wonderful."

"Maybe you could expand on that for me?"

"There's one thing I need to know first."

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"What would that be…AJ?"

"If Web…Clay wasn't dead, would we be having this conversation?"

"That's a fair question."

"And the answer would be?"

"I don't honestly know. There are so many layers to that answer. Clay always knew that he came second to someone that I loved very much, but felt that I couldn't have. He assumed that it was Harm and I never bothered to tell him otherwise. I didn't know how he would react or what he would do if he knew it were you, and with that whole broken nose thing…I didn't want to take chances. Then as you say I am carrying his child even if there is a chance I could still lose it. I want to believe that I'm a person who honors her commitments, but I can't honestly say that if he were standing here and the pregnancy was a sure thing that I would choose him if I thought there was a snowball's chance in hell that you might want me. I hope that somewhere in there was an answer to your question."

"While I wouldn't wish anyone dead, I have to tell you that I am glad that the situation is the way it is so you don't have to go through that emotional turmoil of making a choice like that."

"Does that mean that there is an actual chance that you do want me?" she asked still unsure of him and his feelings for her.

With a gentle smile at her uncertainty, he said, "I thought that had been clearly established. But if not, let me make it as clear as I can…I want you more that I want air to breathe Sarah Mackenzie."

"I can hardly believe that I am hearing this. Every dream I've ever had is finally coming true, but how do you feel about the baby?"

"Well first off I am going to spend the next several days or week taking care of you to make sure that the baby stays right where he is and that you don't lose him."

"But can you accept a child that isn't your own?"

"Sarah, the baby is yours and as far as I'm concerned, the two of you are a package deal. I would love this baby and be a father to it if you let me, and if you'll marry me I'll even offer him or her my name if you'll allow me to."

"Yes, AJ, I will marry you and both my baby and I would be proud to carry your name. Would you want more children after this one?"

"As many or as few as you would like, my love. Now that I'm retired I think being a stay-at-home-dad would be great."

"How will it look to everyone that we would be switching traditional roles?"

"I don't care as long as you don't. But I do know that any man that sees me with you on my arm will envy me greatly."

"And any woman will feel the same about the reversal!" she told him with a smile. "I guess I'm still so much in shock that I'm not sure what to do next."

"Well, if you wouldn't think that it would be too strenuous on you, I know what I'd like to do," he grinned at her.

"What would that be?" she gave him a sensuous smile afraid that if he was about to suggest that they make love she would have to turn him down and she wasn't sure how he would react to that.

He could tell what she was thinking and while he did want to make love to her, he had waited all these years for that to happen, now that she was within his grasp he could wait a few more days or weeks for that pleasure. But there was something else that he couldn't wait any longer for, "I'd like to finish that kiss that we started seven years ago, if you have no objection."

"None at all, my darling, none at all!"

AJ took her gently in his arms and as their lips at last met Sarah thought of a line from her favorite movie, 'The Princes Bride'; _"As dawn arose, Wesley and Buttercup knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And they reached for each other. Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind."_ That was how she felt at that moment, no kiss could compare to the one that AJ was giving her. To at last be in his arms was heaven on earth, and she felt that she was home at last. She was so glad that she had gone to the dinner to say her good-byes to him. Now they would never have to say good-bye again.

THE BEGINNING…


End file.
